is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
