Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
