I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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