Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
