you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
