The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
