sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
