The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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