Nicole vs. Life
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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