You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
