he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
