you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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