I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Found your dick twin last night
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
