im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
