I think my vagina is haunted
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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