We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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