and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Pants are for mortals
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
