She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
