sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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