im about as happy as oj after his trial
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
