dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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