Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm too high and old for this...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
