Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
