Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
