They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
