just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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