i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
