i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
