No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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