She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
