Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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