Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
