Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
