in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
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your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
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Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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