dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
