he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
