I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
