my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
