the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
