So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
