Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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