I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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