woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
