What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
