I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
