I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
