I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This baby is an asshole
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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