Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
When are your genitals available?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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