I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
