3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
