I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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