Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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