True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
