remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
