This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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