My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
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