So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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