Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
