There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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