I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
