Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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