it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
should my penis look like a turkey
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
