if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Houston, we have a blender
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
