i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
