He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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