so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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