so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
