the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im holly from the hills drunk
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
