I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
