what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
