After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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