I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
