My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
