no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
