I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Randomize
