imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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