absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
