Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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