New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
