You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
